- It's not whether you win or lose, but how you place the blame.
- You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- We have enough youth. How about a "fountain of smart"?
- When you work here, you can name your own salary. I named mine "Skinny."
- Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.
- A fool and his money can throw one hell of a party.
- When blondes have more fun do they know it?
- Five days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement park.
- Learn from your parents' mistakes. Use birth control.
- Money isn't everything ... but it keeps the kids in touch.
- Don't drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill something.
- If at first you don't succeed, your skydiving is over.
- Reality is only an illusion caused by a deficiency of alcohol.
- Time's fun when you're having flies. -Kermit the Frog
- We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
- Red meat is not bad for you. Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.
- Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- One good thing about Alzheimer's is you get to meet new people every day.
- Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to produce reproductive organs.
- Alabama state motto: At least we're not Mississippi.
- Gaseous clouds detected around Uranus.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- Gun Control: Using both hands.
- The more I learn about terrorism, the more I understand the bill collector.
- The latest survey shows that three out of four people make up 75% of the population.
- Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist."
-Unattributed
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