Great Truths About Life That
Little Children Have Learned:


  1. No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
  2. When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  3. If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  4. Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  5. You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
  6. Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
  7. Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  8. Puppies still have puppy breath, even after eating a tic-tac.
  9. Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
  10. School lunches stick to the wall.
  11. You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  12. Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  13. The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


Great Truths About Life That
Adults Have Learned:

  1. Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
  2. There is always a lot to be thankful for, if you take the time to look. For example, I'm sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.
  3. One reason to smile is that every seven minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls a hamstring.
  4. Car sickness is the feeling you get when the monthly payment is due.
  5. The best way to keep kids at home is to make a pleasant atmosphere-and let the air out of their tires.
  6. Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
  7. Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
  8. Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.
  9. Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
  10. My mind not only wanders; sometimes it leaves completely.
  11. If you can remain calm, you just don't have all the facts.
  12. The richest person is not one who has the most; but, one who needs the least.
-Unattributed